canny granny

Promiscuity Rules

So now it’s official, the way to teach sex education is by observing Nature. Like the Birds and the Bees. Or more correctly, the Birds, the Bees and the Broadbeans. Promiscuity Rules!

It’s all to do with evolution, and how species arise, and hybridisation. Virtually all plants are distinct species, yet some are in the promiscuous habit of creating new hybrids with other plants.

But in case you didn’t know this, promiscuity is more successful for animals than it is for plants.

Cross species mating is common in ducks, North American fresh water fish species, whiptail lizards in the American Southwest and Bynoe’s Geckos in Australia. Even butterflies get into it.

I must have intuitively realised the significance of this animal behaviour when I was young and carefree. Of course all this doonah- dancing is past me nowadays, I can hardly remember what all the fuss was about.

Some people are fond of the Queen

Heavens the world is full of monarchists! My poor neighbour who types my comments into the blog received a heap of nasty little letters about my view of Queen Betty Battenburg and her consort, Philip the Racist. One woman, obviously a devoted slavey of the parasites, even wrote “..in another time you would be executed for treason..”.

This could have been the case in the olden days, if I, or any of my forbears, had actually been subjects of the English Crown. We weren’t, we had to come to Australia to find out we were subjects of the English Crown. And let me tell you that Australia was absolutely the last place on earth that my ancestors wanted to go to. We had no choice in the matter. Nor were we given a choice about English armies invading our country and stealing our land in the first place.

Now I don’t want to rabbit on about centuries of exploitation, I merely object to paying money to continue to support the Queen and her dysfunctional family. When I find it hard to scrape a few cents together to buy my arthritis pills, I get very cross to read that I am paying my taxpayers’ portion of the 3 million English pounds to have her come here to swagger about amongst the peasantry.

Seriously, if I took a little holiday to England for nine days, it wouldn’t cost me that much money. And I can’t see the Queen dipping into her ermine-lined bejewelled purse to cover some of my expenses, can you?

Fair crack of the whip, mate. Crikey, I need a small glass of sherry after that.

Of course the Queen looks well

I had a couple of comments about the lovely picture of the Queen on yesterday’s post. “Doesn’t she look well“, someone said. Of course she looks well!

She looks a picture of health, why shouldn’t she? She has lived a life of immense privilege, all the assistance she has ever needed and access to first-class health care whenever she needed it.

I would also look a picture of health if I had been reared in an atmosphere of luxury and self-indulgence with everyone else paying for the top care for my every little whim. So would you!

But I’ve had a lifetime of hard yakka, and sending money to the Queen and her dysfunctional family.

Queen appeals to athletes on walkabout

The number of Sierra Leone athletes missing from the Commonwealth Games village here in Melbourne rose from 11 overnight to 14 - two-thirds of its 21-member team.

The police are finally taking these mysterious disappearances seriously. The extra three athletes to suddenly vanish without trace are three members of the women’s relay team who failed to run in the final at the MCG last night.

The Queen has appealed for them to return. “Please come back instantly,” she said this morning over muffins, “We have front row seats to see how fast you can run. We didn’t expect you to keep running past the finish line.”

For all she knows they’re being held against their will or they don’t like her much - or both.