canny granny

Naps are fashionionable these days

I’m sure I read about these little napping machines in a sci fi novel many years ago when I was young. But this is a real appliance for people who are too busy to go to bed. Or for people to sleep at work. Before you wonder why people would be encouraged to sleep at work (this is what they do at my phone company, I swear the skeleton staff are all half-asleep) I will show you the advertisment urging us all to nap.

Naps have been shown to benefit almost every aspect of human wellness. The benefits to the body include better heart functioning, hormonal maintenance, and cell repair. They help you live longer, stay more active, and look younger.

Look younger? I’ve been napping all over the place for years and I can tell you right now it hasn’t done anything for me.

Only yesterday as I was taking the bus to the podiatrist I had a refreshing little nap and woke up with the busdriver asking me where I wanted to go…. Kindly chap, he knew I had missed my stop. I hope he didn’t see the dribble on my blouse.

Misguided football followers

I have a new young lady in my front room. I’m assuming she’s a lady because she dresses nicely, doesn’t swear or spit and has a friendly rapport with her grandmother. But should I assume?

Looking more closely she follows what is called a football team. Now, everyone and their dog knows that there is no football played anywhere in the world except in my hometown, in other places they have a sort of a ball, and sort of men in sort of shorts falling on it. That’s not football. (I’ve even heard it’s played with a round ball in some countries)

Football is played with an oblate spheroid on oval shaped playing fields called ovals. There is no falling on the ball. There is no falling on the other players. There is no tackle or scrum or scrim or other fancy names for men rolling around in the mud with each other.

Someone should tell my renter

More on alien abductions.

They are tiny. They are tall. They are gray. They are green. They survey our world with enormous glowing eyes. To conduct their shocking experiments, they creep in at night to carry humans off to their spaceships. It’s quite a disturbing trend these days.

Back when I was young we had to make do with the occasional flying saucer sighting. Nothing fancy like abductions and the ever-present probes.

The saucers didn’t worry us too much, we would just yell Will U kindly F.O. However I understand that the younger generation have nastier experiences.

Have you been abducted lately? If you live in Germany you can hire a lawyer like Jens Lorek, who pursues state compensation claims for abductees. “There’s a demand for legal advice here,” says Jens Lorek. “The trouble is, people are afraid of making fools of themselves in court.”

I wonder why.

Do I seem cruel hearted to you? I had to ask my ne…

Do I seem cruel hearted to you? I had to ask my neighbour to remove a comment from my blog about the Virgin Mary on a Pool Stick. Some frenzied soul slapped down a scathing post accusing me of making fun of and being cruel to the ignorant innocent people who find these amazing apparitions of Mary everywhere. It was even suggested that I invented the whole thing! Let me tell you, I was a trifle shocked and had to sit down with a little glass of sweet sherry.

I assure you I am of a kindly nature, and to show that I didn’t make it up, I include the description from eBay. Word for word. Verbatim. As it is. Well, the first few lines anyway, it rabbits on a bit.

To those who could be interested in this wonderful appearance I will tell them that this is not one more appearance of Virgin Mary and Jesus Christ. This is a fact, which had not occurred before in history, that an object had a similar manifestation. And you will be ocular witnesses of what you will be discovering. I assure you with all humility that is a divine creation, fulfilled with simbology and history

There you go, what could be clearer? You are an ocular witness.

Virgin Mary on a Pool Stick. And by the way, what is a Pool Stick?
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