canny granny

I live near a football ground and, although I have nothing against football fans, sometimes their manners after a game aren’t the best. Like taking a leak in my front garden.

Well, I think I’ve found the answer. Austrian officials fed up with motorists stopping to urinate by the roadside have put up fake snake warnings to scare them into using toilets. The idea is that men stop to relieve themselves, see the warning about snakes, and put their own snake back in their trousers.

So, where can I get one?

A huge Chinese Developer has finally won and defeated little home owner, pensioner Wu Pin.

For more than 3 years this home has been stuck in the middle of a construction site in a pit in Chongqing city.

The developers want to turn the area into a $40m ‘Broadway’ square, including apartments and a shopping mall, and there’s no room for an ordinary house in there. They sued Mrs. Wu and pleaded for the court to issue an order to bulldoze the house. Finally the judge at Chongqing Jiulongpo district court decided that Mrs Wu must leave her villa, and it’s now been demolished. I would have put up a longer fight but who can ever win against those bloody developers?

Such a neat little cottage too, a bit like mine really, but with a better view. Mind you, it’s a lot easier for me to get to my local shop for a bottle of milk.

I still say that Cleopatra was beautiful. I know there’s been disparaging remarks made about her nose before, but this coin reveals that she had a pointed chin, thin lips and sharp, aqualine nose. Somewhat like myself in fact.

Better than Marc Antony anyway, with his bulging eyes, thick neck and nasty-looking hook nose.

This tiny coin shows the head of Marc Antony, while Cleopatra is on the reverse. The image on the coin is far from being that of Elizabeth Taylor, but old Marc bears a strong resemblance to Richard Burton.

Roman writers merely said that Cleopatra was intelligent, sharp-witted, possessed of good humour and that she was charismatic. Her voice was known as seductive, and she had a wonderful laugh. Isn’t that beautiful enough?