canny granny

Not to be outdone by sporadic appearances of Virgin Mary, (the latest being on an old tired bit of banana), every other fruit and veggie worth its salt is joining the rush to be classified as holy.

Take for example this humble spud. To the uninitiated it appears to be an ordinary common or garden potato, an everyday humdrum example of Solanum tuberosum , but, if you thought this, you would be missing the point entirely. In reality, it’s a miracle.

For this is a Christian potato!

What next .. saintly spinach? beatific beetroot? canonical cucumbers? blessed blueberries? Dearie me, it’s lucky I ordered a new bottle of sherry from the local hostelry, I need a little fortitude while I inspect the rest of my vegetable basket. Heaven only knows what else I might find.

I did have the Virgin Mary in my kitchen once, but I’ve been a little tight-lipped about it after my Council Home Help girl dobbed me in to the Visiting Nurse.

It’s a nice age, 72. A nice round figure, probably along the lines of his figure now. I’m quite sure he would have lost all those pounds he was carrying 30 years ago, (well he has, hasn’t he?)

My friend Reg who knows a lot about fillies is 72. It’s not a bad age for a man as long as they aren’t too fit if you know what I mean. Nothing worse than having some old codger try and chat you up, why some of them bother I’m sure I don’t know. I don’t know how some of them can live with themselves, all carpetslippers, cardigans and clacking teeth.

There’s an otherwise charming gentleman who goes to Bingo who keeps asking me out dancing -ha! I know what that means - a lady can always tell if a chap is being fresh.

But I forget what I’m writing about.  Ah yes, Elvis. I wonder what Elvis would be doing now if he weren’t 6 foot under? Singing awful Gospel songs? Now if he asked me out dancing I might consider it.

I’ve been wondering where the BVM has been of late. It’s been a while since she was spotted lounging on a chocolate chip, loitering on a cheese sandwich or gracing a dish of rancid fat with her celestial presence. To tell you the truth I had almost forgotten about heavenly manifestations.

But my Council Home Help Girl, bless her, knows I love to follow the perambulations of the Holy Ones and brought me exciting news this afternoon.

The BVM on a banana chip!

Yes, Holy Mary appeared to Jonathon C. on a bit of dried banana. Jonathon, who very wisely does not divulge his full name, has made no mention as to whether or not he will be auctioning this item.

I had to sit down with a small glass of sherry and a box of kleenex to regain control of myself.

Slightly larger picture
Virgin Mary on a Spud
Virgin Mary in Grill Grunge

More than half of all cats over age 15 are bloody senile!

I knew my old moggy was a bit dippy, he’s taken to stealing my fish oil capsules. It’s enough to make me screw the top on my sherry bottle tighter.