canny granny

The Comfort of a Weeping Statue

Devout Catholic Patty Powell picked up a fibreglass statue while passing through Bangkok, took it home, stuck it on a shelf and then forgot about it. But, in the middle of a hearty Spring Clean, he discovered a miracle!

The statue was crying.

Patty, to give him due credit, immediately realised he was witnessing the Mother of God performing a manifestation of rose-scented, oily tears in a fibreglass replica. Someone like myself, a little slow on the uptake in the mornings, would put it down to delirium brought on by the effort of waving a feather duster around, but Patty is made of sterner stuff.

People are queuing up to see the statue. Apparently it’s giving great comfort to the sick and dying.

Mind you, I’ve seen some rather nice bits and pieces from Bangkok in my time, but nothing that would give me much comfort on my death bed. It only goes to prove that there’s no accounting for taste.

She’s back!

The much-travelled Blessed Virgin Mary, fondly known as the BVM in my schooldays, has returned to bring a little light into the otherwise dreary lives of otherwise dreary ordinary people.

This time she’s appeared in the fat, grease and grunge at the bottom of a George Foreman Grill.

John Milanos was grilling a hamburger when he saw the Holy Mother’s face magically begin to form in the slimy scungy bits that drained from the grill. I don’t know about John, maybe he cleans the grill every time he cooks a chop, but my own griller doesn’t receive such meticilous care and it’s normally caked with last week’s lamb and rosemary sausage. (I think it was last week when I had the sausages).

I bet if I pulled out the tray I could find a whole multitude of heavenly figures.

More Manifesting Miracles

Readers are so kind. It gives me a small ray of hope for the future of the world.

Take, for example, the generous actions of Beep Beep, who is diagonally parked in a parallel universe which must be disconcerting for her. Beep Beep has been collecting the manifestations of the B.V.M. and was kind enough to leave the details so we can all be stunned speechless at the miracles going on around us.

She has collected astounding proof from such reputable sources as ebay that the B.V.M is appearing at this very moment on a potato, (see the convincing proof in the photo) a disposable coffee bag, a backyard sprinkler system and, most wondrously, on a toasted cheese sandwich.

Now I can say in all honesty that I’ve eaten more toasted cheese sandwiches in my life than the Pope has said rosaries, but I have never, never happened upon the smallest apparition of any kind on the crusty cheddar, much less any bright stars of the catholic pantheon.

Although I did once have a potato chip that looked just like Mother Teresa, I didn’t get too excited because every warped old gym boot you find washed up on the beach looks like Mother Teresa.

Virgin Mary in my kitchen

I noticed this morning that I have two old kitchen towels hanging on the door of my oven which often resemble the Virgin Mary. (The towels, not the oven) If I crouch down and look sideways with one eye shut and slowly scrunch my neck, I can even see a Bleeding Heart of Jesus. Or maybe that’s the beetroot stain.

In any case, my Council Home Help girl is coming today and I must ask her to take a photo with her dirigible camera. Then I will post them for everyone to share.

I have to sit down with a small drop of sherry and think about the possible commercial aspects of manifestation.