Can you describe your life in six words?

Your whole life, what’s gone down before, the good, the bad and the boring, your future hopes and dreams all wrapped up in six little words. Go on. Give it a go. I dare you.

Stumped? There are 800 six-word memoirs in this little book. Some are more like epitaphs and I don’t know about you but I don’t want to think of my own epitaph, thanks very much. It inspired me to ask what others might write for their own.

I asked some people on the bus, but they weren’t much help and mostly looked at me as if I were a bit dippy, however, you, gentle reader, you have time to come up with your own, totally oblivious to the gaze of passing strangers.

Here are a few examples …

• Hope my obituary spells “debonair” correctly
• Took different road, never got there
• Wasn’t born a redhead; fixed that

Can you condense your own life into six words? If you can, let me know. The best one gets 500 EC points or 300 BE credits.

In my long ago student days I used buses as labs, jotting notes for psychology class, observing both the individual reactions and the collective consciousness of passengers. Many a time I tweaked results by traveling with a paper bag on my head, or by practicing juggling with oranges.

You could say I feel comfy. Relaxed and right at home on a bus.

So it came as a shock today when I was bumped off my bus .. two stops before I wanted to get off!

I was standing near to the back door (no one gives up a seat these days, not even for a genial gentlewoman of middle years with a shopping basket) when a young man suddenly leaped to his feet, pulled the cord, and charged toward the exit.

In his rush to disembark, like a sort of human tidal wave, he took me with him.

What’s worse, when I recovered my equilibrium (and my hat) and mildly remonstrated on his brusque behaviour, he told me that he had not seen me!.

I wanted to tell him to wash his mouth out with soap (or preferably with quick drying cement) but hey! I’m a lady. He’s lucky I didn’t make his penis disappear which, as you know, is very common on buses in some parts of the world. You don’t believe me? Take a look at the Penis Theft on Bus

And remember, you cannae shove your granny off a bus.

P.S. For advice about manners on a bus, see Etiquette on Buses

Now that’s a terrible thing to do to a lasagna. I’m appalled.

Half the world is starving and yet someone can blithely waste good food in this fashion. (Unless it was a spinach lasagna, in which case it should have been thrown at the cook).

The case of lasagna abuse occurred in Florida, where Amanda Trott was having an argument with her husband.

The police were called and, when they arrived, Trott claimed he had been slapped in the face and then had the meal thrown at him by his wife. After admitting to the attack, Mrs Trott was arrested and charged with domestic battery, while - just to round off an excellent day for him - her husband was also arrested over an unrelated outstanding warrant.

According to a sticky-beak neighbour, the argument was over washing some dishes.

Trott should count himself fortunate, in the gun-toting atmosphere of USA where more than 30,000 people are murdered with fire-arms each year, he got off pretty lightly.

In my experience no husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.